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‘You know, I have always wondered…..’ I don’t know how anger affects you. I’m not even sure it was anger but before she could breath another word, I stood back and a torrent of words came out of me, unbidden, unthought, unwise. ‘Don’t you bloody dare do this to me, not tonight. Don’t you know how often when we have kissed I have wanted to turn my face an inch and taste your lips? Don’t you know that when we have sat in a car or on a sofa or in the cinema or In the pub with our knees touching how much I have wanted to press against you? Do you think that every waking moment with you I haven’t wanted to tell you? Did you not see the want in me when we undressed together for swimming, or for the play? When I did up your dress, could you not feel my eyes burning into the back of your head, my hands hot on your skin? How could you say this now?’ Tears came and I stormed away out into the garden, down a path until I found a seat and slumped down into it and closed my eyes and let the tears. It was several years ago, but is still vividly burnt into my mind. I wish I could recall more of our conversation but can not, just the highlights. I labeled this story as incest but do not really consider it as such since she was related by marriage. I do not know, but legally it may still be incest. I was just now eleven years old. I felt older but was for the most part still treated like a little kid. As I was going to find out, this is not always a bad thing. Whenever we had family gatherings the kids all ate at a separate table and when the gathering included overnight stays, the kids all slept in the same room. The remaining bedrooms were given to the adults. This Thanksgiving was no different except that when it came time to go to bed I had a problem. I was the youngest boy and was kicked out of the boys room because all the space was taken. My mom said Dont worry about it, just go sleep with the girls, they have plenty of room. Ordinarily this would not have bothered me, my.
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